Postpartum Thoughts...

A little switch up to the post because I just had a baby and I need a place to dump some things...

This isn't my first rodeo. Not my first postpartum rodeo at least. I've been here before, except this time things are a little, actually a whole lot different.

This time through postpartum I'm just navigating the new journey of motherhood I am on and not postpartum and grief. Let me tell you, that's a relief. The fourth trimester is hard enough and then you add in grief from the death of a child and woof. So anyways, yeah, I'm thankful, beyond thankful actually to be here with a living a child.

However, this time it also has brought a lot of thoughts that I'm like 'okay, surely I am not the only one who has experienced this or thought this.' Orrrrr maybe I am. Who knows but whatever, I'll share these thoughts anyways because maybe you need to hear that you're not the only one.

So here they are... my unhinged postpartum thoughts:

1. When will I get to stop changing my own diaper?

2. Am I going to bleed for the rest of my life?

3. Alright, this bleeding is enough.

4. Whoa, will my body always look this way? Then 5 minutes later, okay wow, my body doesn't look too bad. This is gonna be okay.

5. Next morning... DISGUSTING. I can't wait to workout.

6. I need to workout and get consisent with my health again so I can be skinny.

7. I can't wait to workout and be consisent again so I can feel strong and healthy.

8. Am I feeding my baby enough?

9. Am I feeding her too much?

10. Is she awake enough? Is she sleeping too much?

11. I have NO IDEA what I am doing.

12. I can't wait to be able to have no resistrictions and pick up my daughter again.

13. I am a burden. I can't do anything for myself.

14. I am so thankful to have a supportive wife who cares about me and is helpful.

15. I am not a burden, I just had a baby.

16. Is this normal? *thought after every single thing in regard to my body and baby

17. Has my baby pooped today?

18. Why is she crying? Is she tired? Hungry?

19. Why did I wish my pregnancy would end?

20. I think I miss being pregnant..

21. Maybe I could be pregnant again.

22. GOSH I don't wanna do this again.

23. *Looks at pictures of my new baby from a few days before, YUP she's nearly a toddler now.

24. I never want to go back to work.

25. I can't wait to get out of this house.

26. I need to put my baby down.

27. I need to go get my baby and snuggle her.

28. I can't wait to go to sleep.

29. I can't wait to wake up and start a new day.

30. I just want to be normal.

This period of my life is strange. I'm learning the ins and outs of a new human and myself. All while also trying to soak up every moment. This period is hard and exhausting and it is also beautfiul and something I've looked forward to. I feel so lucky to be here, regardless of the challenges it brings. The hard times are only temporary and the person that I am capable of becoming by facing the hard things head on is stronger than the person I was.

This time will be gone before I know it. I am not perfect but I am trying and that is all I can do.

So for anyone who is in this period and stage of life, too. These times aren't forever, we can do this.

XOXO,

Sammy